Underlying James’s career crisis was a psychological crisis. He had to confront what was really true about himself. Faced with the competing job offer, James had been asking people, “What should I do?” instead of, “What do I really want? What gives me a sense of self-worth?

When was the last time you were so completely engaged and absorbed by your work that all of a sudden you looked up and said, “I can’t believe it-five hours couldn’t have passed!” This is what psychologists are calling “flow.” When you achieve a state of flow, you feel a sensation of confidence, of being in control, of being engaged and focused. Flow is achieved when your work is performed in sync with your aptitudes and values.

Do you feel you are doing something important or that you care about deeply? Do the content and challenges associated with your work enthrall you? Do you often find yourself surprised by how much time has flown by when you are working? Do you feel passionate about your work? If you have answered yes to one or more of these questions, you are in the fortunate position of being fully engaged by your work.

Is it enough for people to simply enjoy their work without finding it meaningful or being passionate about it? I think it is. In fact, I would prefer to completely rid the concept of meaningful work as the gold standard, and replace it with a new one: doing satisfying work that meet one’s needs.

In fact, we are often more interesting and sympathetic as human beings when something has gone wrong than when we are convinced of our own infallibility.

The fact is, passion is not a commodity, it is the by-product of doing something that really engages you. Look for what will truly hold your attention-psychologically and technically-and the passion should take of itself.

At any given time, most relationships are uneven-one person is more in need of support than another. A real friendship is mutually satisfying over the long haul.