BM

Bill Maher

1,181quotes

Quotes by Bill Maher

Bill Maher's insights on:

Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit."
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Suicide is man's way of telling God, "You can't fire me - I quit."
BM
New rule: someone has to explain to me why it's socially acceptable to drink vodka in the morning as long as you pour tomato juice and Worchestershire sauce in it.
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New rule: someone has to explain to me why it's socially acceptable to drink vodka in the morning as long as you pour tomato juice and Worchestershire sauce in it.
BM
They have done study after study on this issue of marijuana—every administration since, like, FDR. You know what they found out? It makes you want to eat SpaghettiOs right out of the saucepan. That's the worst thing.
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They have done study after study on this issue of marijuana—every administration since, like, FDR. You know what they found out? It makes you want to eat SpaghettiOs right out of the saucepan. That's the worst thing.
BM
You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!
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You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!
BM
New Rule: Stop putting psychedelic screensavers on computers. I sit down to check my email, and the next thing I know it’s three days later, I'm in the desert, I'm banging on a drum, I'm naked, and somebody’s pierced my dick.
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New Rule: Stop putting psychedelic screensavers on computers. I sit down to check my email, and the next thing I know it’s three days later, I'm in the desert, I'm banging on a drum, I'm naked, and somebody’s pierced my dick.
BM
If I can't suck your milkshake through a straw, it's not a milkshake, it's a glass of ice cream.
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If I can't suck your milkshake through a straw, it's not a milkshake, it's a glass of ice cream.
BM
You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!
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You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!
BM
Like it or not, we're still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
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Like it or not, we're still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
BM
Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.
"
Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.
BM
If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, you'd resign in protest.
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If you belonged to a political party or a social club that was tied to as much bigotry, misogyny, homophobia, violence, and sheer ignorance as religion is, you'd resign in protest.
BM
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