Never set your stomach for a jelly-bread sandwich until you're sure there's some jelly.

I guess babysitters are like used cars... You never really know what you're getting…

This is my report on how to live... They say the best way is just to live one day at a time... If you try to live seven days at a time, the week will be over before you know it.

Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

I guess babysitters are like used cars. You never really know what you're getting.

Sometimes all we need is a little pampering to help us feel better.

Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed.

I can hear my heart beating. I can hear my stomach growling. I can hear my teeth grinding and my joints creaking. My body’s so noisy, I can’t sleep.

We used to have a dog named Snoopy, you know, a real live dog. I suppose people who love Snoopy won’t like it, but we gave him away. He fought with other dogs, so we traded him in for a load of gravel.

Five hundred years from now, who’ll know the difference?!