Before taking the stage, Paul Ryan spent 6 hours staring into a mirror working on ‘concerned eyebrow.’

Rappers shouldn’t have to file taxes because they itemize everything they own in songs.

My life is now a constant assessment of whether what’s happening in real life is more entertaining than what’s happening on my phone.

No one’s dream job involves a kiosk.

It’s never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.

It's never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes

No one's dream job involves a kiosk.

Rappers shouldn't have to file taxes because they itemize everything they own in songs.

Paul Ryan looks like the car rental salesman who bullies you into getting full coverage.

Before taking the stage, Paul Ryan spent 6 hours staring into a mirror working on 'concerned eyebrow.'