I don’t know how to be me and how to be sexual at the same time.

That she lived a lie. That she wasn’t the good girl everyone believed her to be, wanted her to be.

What if I’m truly never happy again? What if I’ve just experienced the most happiness, the most love, I’ll ever know?

But then, no one really got her. No one in the world understood. Hell, if she was honest with herself, not even she understood.

It wasn't awful to be a man's sex object if you wanted to be, if it made you feel good, if everyone was happy in the end.

As a girl, as a woman, how did you possibly win? When faced with a whole damn life full of sexual situations and decisions, how did you possibly make all the right moves?

I don't know how to be me and how to be sexual at the same time.

Would the people in her life still love her if they knew the whole truth about her? Perhaps, but would they love her the same?

That she lived a lie. That she wasn't the good girl everyone believed her to be, wanted her to be.

Just like real sex, the touching was good, but there came a point in time when a woman needed to be filled - deeply.