It’s reality,” he says with a shrug. “People fear what they don’t understand. It’s easier and cleaner to keep it private.

How can you be surprised that I want it all with you, Estelle Godfrey Junior?” I playfully scowl at him. “Don’t call me that.” “How about just Junior, then?” “How about just Ellie?” “How about love of my life, mother of my children, every beat of my heart?

Try everything once and twice if we like it.

It may be hard for you to believe this, but underneath all the hoopla and attention, I’m just a guy. I eat and sleep and breathe the same way everyone else does. I’m just a guy who met a woman who interests him. I’d like to spend more time with her.

My gaze settles on a plaque one of my girlfriends gave me after a breakup years ago. It says, “I’ve tripped and fallen. My heart has been broken. But even when I was hurting, I always found a way to pick myself up and carry on. I am a woman. I am a strong woman. I will never give up.

It had come down to a choice – her or the lifestyle. I’d chosen her. I’d choose her every time. I need her more. It’s that simple.

I collapse onto the bed, a quivering wreck of a woman who used to have control over her life, until she let a sexy, charming Brit into her bed and found out what it’s like to completely lose control.

You always have an out, sweetheart, whether it’s through safe words or deciding the whole thing isn’t for you or that your limits have changed. Despite how it may appear, you’re the one who’s actually in charge here.

I love you. I’m crazy in love with you. We will get there together. One day at a time, until the ghosts from the past have been exorcised and there’s only you and me.

I want to be with her so badly. I want her in ways I’ve never allowed myself to want anyone.