With silly stuff, it's seventy-five percent confidence. I always tell people that it's because I'm nervous about getting that next laugh and I need to hear it. I always want to condense a joke.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

So I went down the local supermarket, I said “I want to make a complaint, this vinegar’s got lumps in it”, he said “Those are pickled onions”.

With silly stuff, it’s seventy-five percent confidence. I always tell people that it’s because I’m nervous about getting that next laugh and I need to hear it. I always want to condense a joke.

Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I’m not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.

I’m not someone who gets to play The O2 and places like that, but that’s the kind of rock and roll venue. The popularity of stand-up means that some people are getting to play rock star venues.

My house is a bit like a teenager’s bedroom. The kind of pictures you have hanging up on your wall say a lot about you. I’ve got ones of Evel Knievel, Elvis and Starsky and Hutch, signed by David Soul.

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn’t know what to make of it.

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said ‘Is that the local swimming baths?’ He said ‘It depends where you’re calling from.’